My first ever feature!

I am very excited today for two reasons.

1. I’m being featured over at Theta Mom!

2. I have something to post about!

I have to tell you, when I met Heather from Theta Mom at a blog conference in Philadelphia back in September, not only was she the one single person who knew “Figments of a Mom”, it was like meeting up with a long lost friend. We instantly hit it off and I’m very much looking forward to the next time we can get together.

Of course, I wouldn’t be a blogger (or human) if, after I returned home from the conference, I didn’t wonder if I was going to be lucky enough to be featured on Theta Mom. I mean, we met in person. Heather knows me now!

Well, here I am and I am so honored and excited about it! And I’m very thrilled to have you here and meet you all as well.

I’ve been blogging since the end of 2007. You can read a little bit about me here. You might wonder why, if I’ve been blogging that long, do I not have more followers? I started blogging anonymously as a way to unburden my mental load of certain annoying people. Just vocally bitching about them wasn’t enough therapy. I needed to write it down, too. Unfortunately for me, because I eventually shared photos of my kids, the my site was shared and I had to scramble to delete my scathing posts. Such a shame because they were so entertaining. In any case, this all started as a means to personal therapy, and I never really put my blog out there.

But now I am putting myself out there. Figments of a Mom has since evolved into little bit of everything. I still vent about annoying people, like my next door neighbors, share photos of my kids, talk about mom-life experiences, highlight occasional travels, and anything else that feels inspiring. It’s like a smorgasbord of my life, that I can publish, with hopes that my readers can relate.

I think 2011 will be an interesting year for this blog. I am very much at a crossroads. I would like to spend more time on my blog, creating content with more value. Or just create a whole new blog with a different angle. I haven’t quite figured out what that will be, or if I have time. I want to learn as many skills as possible—woodworking and Illustrator are at the top of my list. Plus, this is the year I turn 40 (eeks!), so I’m fending off some major anxiety about that. Because, honestly, I am sooo not 40 in my head.

In any case, I hope you join me in my journey. It’s bound to get a little nutty here.

And, thank you so much Heather!

Focus on the positive

I heard something the other that inspired me.

Focus on the positive.

I know it's no life-changing realization, but it just stuck with me. Don't spend time or energy on the negative and focus on the positive.

For example, instead of focusing on the annoying moodiness of your significant other, focus on how great he is with the kids. I'm sure there are many others I could bore you with, but you get the picture.  ;-)

I really need to do this. I'm not sure I can. Because sometimes the negative can be so much fun. Like when you bitch with your friends about people who are so inconsiderate and selfish you can't possibly fathom how they think they way they do. Yes, sadly, I know people like this.

I let annoying people bother me too much. Unfortunately, some of those annoying people don't have anything positive to focus on. I'm just sayin'.

So, my advice for the day, focus on the positive.

I'll start: Snow is beautiful. It's quieter. The sky is brighter at night. It brings people outdoors. Great for homemade snowcones. Sledding. Good excuse to work from home.  And, admit it, it's kind of exciting.

There. Don't you love snow now? Positive, people. Be positive.

Why good neighbors are important...

I realize this is a pretty obvious statement, but ...

Recently, I was reminded why it's important to have good relationships with neighbors...at least with the ones that are capable (read my shared driveway saga?) of having a good relationship.

We have a few elderly neighbors. You know, the ones that have been in the same home for 40 years and know all the people that previously lived in your house. One is an older gentlemen, B, who lives alone with his dog, Harry. Every two hours or so, he takes Harry for a walk. Recently, I noticed my other neighbor walking Harry. Something must be wrong with B, I presumed. I asked the neighbor if he was ok and she said he wasn't feeling well. So she was helping out with Harry. Then, a week or so later, I ran into another neighbor coming out of B's house. I was concerned that something must be seriously wrong. My other neighbor said, without giving specifics because B is private like that, yes, B is not doing well. He's in the hospital so a few of us are helping out with Harry and taking care of the house.

If you don't have family or a church community, who else could you rely on?

We've been very fortunate to have such great neighbors...

• There are a few people on the block with snowblowers. We, however, are not one of them. When the snow reaches break-your-back depths, these neighbors take it upon themselves to clear both sides of the sidewalk of the entire street. If you've had to shovel two feet of snow with a traditional metal shovel, you know how excited we are when they do this. And they will accept wine as payment. Score!
• When we moved into our house, we were shocked and thrilled to learn that we didn't have to haul our garbage cans down to the curb. The garbage collectors actually came up the driveway and brought our cans down, and returned them. Whoever heard of such a thing?! This is awesome for many reasons, but particularly if you aren't at home during the day. Left on the curb, empty garbage cans are a clear indicator that no one is home. In other words, come rob our house! Unfortunately, that fabulous luxury has been cut from the township budget and now we must drag our cans to the curb like all the other civilians. Our next door neighbor is usually home during the day, and will occasionally drag our cans back to the house. These same neighbors will also collect our paper so it doesn't sit at the end of our walkway when we're away.

All this helping out, makes you want to help others, too. As we like to say in our house, "It's nice to be nice to the nice."

Make sure you do something neighborly this week!

Hello? Can anyone hear me?

There are some days--scratch that, many days, that I feel alone in Twitterverse, like I'm just talking to myself.

Tap, tap, tap. Anyone? Anyone?

Maybe the fact that I am feast or famine with it all has something to do with it. I can go days (weeks) without blogging or tweeting a word. I'm just blank. I have nothing to offer. Then, for no reason at all, I'm all over it.

I'm there, lurking. Thinking about replying. Then changing my mind. Not wanting to intrude. And some days, I just go for it. I get replies then too, sometimes.

To really build up a Twitter following and have conversations, you have to have a consistent, regular presence. You have to have something to offer, be it funny, informative, something. But, I'm not sharing links. For the most part, I'm just putting thoughts out there. Observations. Pet peeves. Things I think other people can relate to. Sometimes they do. And when they do I'm so happy.

All of this makes me wonder, "What's the point? Where is all of this going for me? Why am I doing this?

It's social media. It's where the world is going so I have to be part of it. I don't want to get left behind. I will stick with it and figure out how I can fit in along the way.

I went to one blog conference. I kind of felt silly going. Like my blog and I weren't legitimate enough to be there. But I met so many great people. People who I have exchanges with on Twitter. People with whom I hope to get together again. I mean, my in-real-life (IRL) friends don't have blogs. They're not on Twitter. So, this was great! Now, I know people who actually get it! And who don't make fun of me for blogging and tweeting!

I don't try to make money from my blog. Although I have considered starting a review blog with affiliate marketing, but I'm not sure I'm interested in that. And, really, do we need another review blog out there? I don't know. I'm not seeing the bigger picture.

Now, with all of that said, here's my major contradiction...

I am consumed with thoughts of grandeur.

Not as in "Me. Me. Me. I'm so fabulous" grandeur, more like, I want bigger things in life. I want to BE bigger. I'm just overwhelmed as to how to accomplish that. I would love to have a blog with 3,000+ followers and 5,000+ Twitter followers. I mean, that's what we're really all after, isn't it? I just don't have the time to put into it. And time is what you need. Not to mention, an original angle. That's kind of important, too.

So where is all this going you wonder? Because, yes, I am rambling. That's what happens when I've had a blog post in my head too long.

Well, if you're like me, and you want to write for more than a handful of your friends...

The one piece of advice I keep hearing over and over again from sites with more of a following is that you really have to put the time in. Have the conversations. Make frequent blog posts. Comment. Comment. Comment. You will only get back what effort you put out there. So you better put out a lot.

Record your ideas. When a post idea comes to mind, jot it down. Jot them all down. Work on them when you can, then schedule posts. You could spend a weekend writing posts and then schedule them to publish throughout the next week or two.

Get involved in online communities. Whatever your niche, whether it's fashion, sports, design, working mom, there is a community for it. Find it and start commenting on posts.

Share information. Get on Twitter and reply to the people you follow. Have conversations. People love replies. Well, I know I do! As long as it's relevant anyway.

Blog conferences. Go. Go to learn. Go to meet people. Go to get your name out there. Go and get the heck out of your house and have some you time. It will be well worth it. I promise.

Well, if you're still reading, thank you. This post became more of a brain dump than I hoped. And if you're on Twitter and see me yammering away, please say hi. I hate being out there alone.

The hilarity of PhotoBooth

I have never had my very own brand spanking new computer. Not ever. My personal computers have always been hand-me-downs from the hubs who retired them from work. And they were never really mine. The hubs would use them. The kids would use them. There was so much junk on the computer I'm shocked they didn't just implode.

Although, they nearly have. Recently, the Low Space warning started flashing from the corner. I had already  moved my photos off onto an external drive, only to have the hubs DROP IT and LOSE every photo from the last 3 dozen years. Thank God for Snapfish.

It would take 10 minutes just to start up and connect to the wireless network.

The screen was 13 inches. I was going blind.

So...

Finally, FINALLY, I am now typing from my very own MacBook Pro. Wa-fucking-hoo! All MINE! No one is touching this baby.

So while I convert from PC to Mac, we'll just play with PhotoBooth...

This is the "before" photo (E's a little crazy-eyed)...

 

... and then she showed me the effects... (that's right. my 8-year-old is showing me around the mac.)

 

Then, little K heard all the laughter and joined in...

 

Did I mention we were laughing? Our asses off! Seriously, it was like the overtired sillies. We were so giddy over the silliness of these effects. I was crying laughing!

 

Then the hubs got home and jumped in on the fun ...

 

The goofiness just won't end... the girls wake up the next morning and guess what they want to do ... 

Nothing wrong with starting the day off with complete silliness. Does this Mac do anything else?

Why shared driveways should be deal killers...

Have you heard about my shared driveway saga? No? Then, to fully appreciate this post you must get caught up.

As the media hyped the oncoming storm, I envisioned myself (well, really, the hubs) shoveling out from under the storm, with no real help from my next door neighbors. I mean, why would this snow storm be any different?

I noticed the glow of reverse lights as my neighbor arrived home and backed his car up our shared driveway, nearly taking out a portion of our fence, readying himself, I assumed, for plowing through half of foot of snow the next morning. No reason to get up early with the other neighbors and shovel. He'll just drive over it, making any attempts at lifting it off the driveway next to impossible.

I started to rage.

What is wrong with these people?

I take their ineffort to do their share as a personal affront. But, they also don't shovel the sidewalk, which the entire neighborhood uses.

Why can I not let it go?

I laid in bed this morning listening to the plows making their way up and down the street. Then, the snowblowers started revving up. It was early, but people need to get to work, and the kids still have school.

All the while, I envisioned myself confronting Chuck before he plows through our unshoveled driveway. I imagined the not-so-polite version of our conversation that would ruin any chances of ever having a good neighbor relationship with them, ever.

I also imagined the realistic version.

Neither of these conversations would be pleasant, but oh-so necessary.

Then, I remembered when we were house hunting our house and how it occurred to me then that the driveway was going to be an issue.

One of these conversations was going to happen, today. We aren't going anywhere, and neither are they. I can't go through every snowstorm raging about this.

Could I obsess anymore?

So the hubs suited up, grabbed our good old fashioned shovel and went to work shoveling his usual path, saving the neighbors side of the driveway for last. Typically around this time, they come outside, full of apologies for not coming out sooner ... blah, blah, blah. It's pretty routine at this point.

It was when I was inside attending to stirring children that I heard it.

The sound of snowblowers.

Very, very close to my house.

Could it be?

Could the neighbors be snowblowing the driveway?

It would make sense that they come out after the hubs was done, of course.

I look outside, and there are, not one, but two men with snowblowers clearing the neighbor's sidewalk, their walkway and the remainder of the driveway.

FINALLY, they have come to their senses!

And, I didn't have to be a bitch to their faces.

Win!

Why I will never do another blog hop again...

There are so many great blogs out there. And unfortunately, even more worthless ones. How do you weed through the crap?

The other day, I decided to join in on a new blog hop. I sincerely wanted to find some new, quality blog reads. But all I found were a bunch of bloggers only interested in following me so I would follow them back. Maybe I'm a blog snob, but I want people to follow me because they're interested in what I'm writing about. That's why I follow other blogs. I even stated as much in my blog hop post, hoping to deter any insincere followers.

What's even more annoying is that the commenters to the blog hop post didn't even read the damn post! Guess what, I'm NOT going to follow you back. Sorry.

I don't blog because I want to see my follower numbers go up. Sure, I love when someone follows me. Who doesn't? But I want real, legitimate followers. Same on Twitter. I'll block the tweep who's trying to promote a product, especially if it has nothing to do with me.

Of course, if you're coming the Lady Bloggers Social Tea Party, you might be wondering "uh, isn't this a blog hop?" I don't really consider the Tea Party a blog hop. It's not about getting to and following as many blogs as humanly possible. If it is, then at least there are quality bloggers! So never say never, right?

Social Parade

I'm not one for following blogs simply to have them follow me back. I want people to follow me because they enjoy reading what I have to write about. I mean, I don't follow a blog unless I enjoy the content. But I love finding new blogs and for that reason alone I'm joining in on this week's Social Parade. Plus I want to show off my new blog design! New bumblebee in progress.




If you're stopping by from Smart and Trendy Moms Social Parade, Welcome to Figments of a Mom! I'm Stephanie and I've been blogging here for over three years, just for fun, but more as a bit of therapy. There's a lot of R-rated venting. Yet, somehow my most popular post is about a Princess Party. A couple of my personal favorites are about the dilemma we have with our shared driveway. So, take a look around and if you like what you see then I hope you stick around. And don't forget to let me know you were here so I can meet you and your blog too!

Going to bed early doesn't help

I have made the conscious decision to go to bed early - as in, before 10:30. The iPhone-out-of-my-hands, lights-out kind of go to bed. Not a New Year's Resolution per se, but if I am going to get up at the ass crack of dawn to work out, this simply must happen. This may not sound like a big deal to you. But to me it means less downtime after work and after the girls go to bed. That is a huge deal. That means less me time.

It's a major effort. There is nothing more annoying than making this effort then to be woken up not once, but three times in the middle of the night. Thus making me just as, if not more, tired had I gone to bed later.

The late night evening unfolded as such: the hubs comes to bed at who-knows-what-time and reads. Page turning noise wakes me up.

At 2:30, again, the hubs wakes up when he starts calling for the dog. The dog. At 2:30. A.M. I don't know, he was dreaming or something. Whatever.

At 3:30, little K shows up after having a nightmare and now can't possibly sleep in her own bed or be in her own room because it's all too scary and must squeeze in between us to be able to fall back to sleep. I say no. Because I'm mean like that. And I want to get some fucking sleep. The hubs who's barely awake, of course, says, sure. Guess who ended up sleeping in little K's bed? Not little K, and not, of course, the hubs. After a half hour of clinging to the edge of the bed to keep from falling out, I vacated, descended to stairs to little K's room, picked up some tossed crumpled tissues meant for the trash can, and got in her bed. Set my phone alarm and waited for sleep to come. I had an hour and a half left.

Needless to say, the treadmill was pure torture this morning.

Then little K shows up in the foyer sitting on a chair, puffy eyed and exhausted to greet me after my workout at 6:30. At this point, she's completely indignant and  refusing to get back in bed. I threaten her with the loss of an after school playdate and she finally moves. Only to berate me at 7, still indignant and complaining for food.

My beloved coffee is still 2 1/2 hours away.

I will get through this. I will get through this. I will get through this.

Once little K has some food, she's human once again. A very tired human, but the teacher will have to deal with that.

In unrelated news, little K decided her own hairbrush would make the perfect brush for the dog. And, big E is changing out her new earrings daily - all thanks to the handy wire cutters for freeing her earlobes from the starters she had been wearing for 4 months.

It's gonna be such a good year. I can just feel it. Can't you?

Halfway there

I thought after taking a short break from my blog that I would come back with a load of inspired post ideas and a renewed energy to write. I even had a fresh look whipped up hoping to breathe life back into it, and into me.

I have post ideas, just no motivation to write them. After 12 days off from work over the holidays, there's no reason to feel unmotivated. But I do.

My break wasn’t entirely voluntary. I was incredibly busy at work during the day—the kind of busy that makes your head spin because you don’t know where to start. Every.Single.Day. By the time I got home, I simply couldn’t function nor did I have the desire to. Writing blog posts was just too much. Even to complain, which I so love to do.

But I’m fighting my writer’s block of sorts, reading my regular blogs and lurking on Twitter. The one thing I noticed is that hardly anyone has made New Year’s Resolutions this year. And coincidentally, neither have I! We’ve all thrown in the towel. We know how it ends. Why set ourselves up for inevitable disappointment of failing at a seemingly simple task, yet again.

Instead I have a plan. My plan begins with a new blog design (Thank you Shay!). In Progress pending new bumblebee. Getting Figments of a Mom on Facebook, finally. Check. And working on some legitimate posts that actually offer information of value. Not all the time, of course, because that would be work, but sprinkled in with my regular bitching. In progress. Throw in losing 20 pounds, exercising more, eating healthier (read: drinking less wine (we know how long that will last)), and I’m nearly there!

I have some great blog posts in the works, all stemming from personal experience: How to teach your child empathy; women and their tribes; kids with big ears and steel trap minds (they hear more than we realize); and more! So check back, fan my Facebook page and let me know what you think!

In limbo...

Happy New Year, friends. I hope this new year brings good memories, fun times and lots of love and happiness. And if you're using this new year to make some changes, I wish you luck. I will be right there with you. I am making some changes to this blog with a new design and more substantial (read: less shallow) content. In the meantime, while my new design is finalized, I wait in limbo...

Check back next week for the official kick off!