Why you should ask nicely and always say thank you

And I'm not talking about kids here.

That's right, adults are the guilty party.

Politeness has gone out the window, like a chewed up piece of gum.

I’ve been getting frequent phone calls lately from a friend ranting about her inconsiderate and manipulative in-laws who feel an extraordinary amount of entitlement to her hospitality. They have this, "What's your's is mine" attitude. And I don't know about you, but that just doesn't fly.

For instance, it was my friend's son's birthday on Wednesday. She planned to celebrate with just her family that night. The "party" with extended family and friends was to be on Friday. Except the mother-in-law (or, my preference: Monster-in-Law) decided to invite herself to dinner Wednesday then planned to take the boy shopping for his present because my friend didn't tell her exactly what to buy for him. I'm sure you notice this is wrong for several reasons. Aside from the obvious rudeness of imposing on my friend's family, why would the Monster take the boy away from them during a celebration? Wrong!

Another example, my friend's daughter (same friend) is a junior bridesmaid in a cousin's wedding in Virginia. The Monster suggested they host a local (Maryland) bridal shower inviting every Tom, Dick and Harry to said shower - including those who aren't even invited to the wedding. GASP! What?! So my friend, in her polite way, said she would wait to see what the bridesmaids (whose duty it is to plan the shower!) had planned and if necessary would offer to host a local shower. Well, the Monster decided to shoot off an e-mail to the mother-of-the-bride offering, in the most definitive terms, to host a shower with the help of my friend at my friend's house. Really? And for the record, the Monster has no extra money to be spending on a party and has a solid track record for not lifting a finger.

Okay, I've got one more ... my friend's sister-in-law's ex-husband (wow that's confusing) passed away this week. It's not a huge surprise since he didn't take care of his health. It was also a tumultuous relationship, but there's a son involved. So while not a devastating emergency, sad nonetheless. And, as any family would do, everyone is rallying around the boy whose father passed away. Yet, before any details emerged about the funeral arrangements, my friend received a text message from long distance family members that they were on their way! A text?! Which, in normal person speak, means they are in the car with their three children and dog and driving up from Florida to stay as long as they like in my friend's house, and trashing it while they stay there. In fact, as I write, my friend is sending me photos of her house in the beginning stages of trashdom. Open overnight bags strewn around the living areas, a hairbrush on the kitchen counter - they will also never make the bed, pick up or clean a dish.

I berated my friend about saying something to them. I mean, speak up for fuck sake! Tell them to remove their clothing from the back of the kitchen chair. Take their bags to their damn room. Clean up their coffee cup and dog food! Make them be accountable for themselves. You are not a hotel!

If you notice the pattern, there is no asking. There is no gratitude. Just entitlement. You could argue that it's family and you're not going to say no to family, but don't make it painful. Is it so hard to ask nicely? I will do anything for friends and family (within my power) if they ask nicely. That's as simple as a saying "Please" or "Would you mind" or "Is it possible". And is it that much of a struggle to show a little appreciation afterwards. Thank you? A card? A bottle of wine? Then I don't mind helping you again in the future.

If you ask nicely, I want to help you. I'm even happy to help. But to assume that my hospitality, my time, my helpfulness, is there for the taking? Then I pretty much resent you or the time you're taking up from my life.

My friend is, of course, gritting her teeth through it all.  She wants to keep her marriage intact and the Monster may be moving to Florida. Bonus!

So my point is this: Take a look at yourself. Are you showing enough gratitude when someone does you a favor? Are you asking nicely when you need something from someone? Most people want to help others, but no one wants to be taken for granted.

Wordless Wednesday - Girls Dinner

Everyone should have them...

Advocate or tattler, which one are you?

Where there's little K, there's usually drama.

She came home from school the other day and told us about two girls on the bus who were hitting, punching and pinching her. I tried to get as much detail from her as possible, certain she wasn't completely innocent, but intent on getting the whole story before I contacted the parents.  After the interrogation, I learned there was a boy who started it, then the girls continued when he got off the bus. These girls are both in K's class, and we're friendly with both sets of parents. However, on two separate occasions they've contacted me about situations involving my children.

For background purposes, I'll describe one situation -- K teased one of their daughter's about having lice. Not good, I know. I was horrified. Because K is terrified of getting lice, she freaked out in front of other kids when the girl was going to sit next to her on the bus. We spoke to K about it, and she understands why that was hurtful. The reason I even knew about this happened is that the mother wrote me a lengthy and detailed email, ultimately requesting that I speak to my daughter. At the time, I was thankful she told me. We’re friendly. She should feel comfortable letting me know that something happened. And obviously, I don't want my children hurting someone’s feelings. In hindsight, though, I wonder, is she going to contact the parent of every child that teases her children? I mean, what parent doesn’t want to do that? But it's life. Wouldn’t you use it as a lesson to teach your child?

So here I am in this situation now. Do I contact these "friends" and let them know what their daughters were doing so they can deal with it? K wasn’t hurt and she was over it by the time I heard about it. But that kind of behavior is not okay, and I'm sure they would feel the same way. It's tricky. If I contact them, it feels more like tattle telling. My other option is to contact the school counselor and let her handle the situation with the students directly. I feel like this is the more diplomatic (and school protocol) approach. It takes personal feelings out of the mix. At least, I hope it does.

I believe, without a doubt, we are supposed to be advocates for our children.  We should stand up for them. But where do you draw the line between being an advocate and tattle-telling?

Let the Bathroom Wars Begin

As it stands right now, we essentially have one full bathroom in our house. A family bathroom, dare I say? With two young children, this really hasn’t been an issue. They bathe when we bathe them. Thankfully, there are other semi-functioning bathrooms to use, which come in handy when the hubs decides to hole himself up in one of them with the newspaper.

However, the full bathroom, as of late, has been getting a little too crowded for my liking. The hubs nudges me out of the mirror to insert his contacts. The dog shuffles in stinking up my shower-fresh space with her dog smell to blink at me with a sulky look on her face.

And the children? The children like to hang around on the toilet as I’m trying to get into the shower, refusing to budge so they can catch a glimpse of my “big, fat boobies”. Yep. These big fat boobies nourished you into this world, little one. Watch it! And always with perfect timing, they walk in unannounced immediately as I step out of the shower. Then point and laugh at my ”big butt”. Uh huh.

It has become a free-for-all!

I mean, the bathroom is the one single place in the house where I should be able to be naked with no judgment. The mirror is just neck high so there’s nothing for me to grimace at. Except my scale is in there, so I take that back.

Why don’t I lock the door you wonder? Because usually when I shower it’s the ass crack of dawn and said children are asleep. Except lately they wake before the sun comes up! I could send them downstairs to the other bathroom, but that has no insulation. (I love really old homes. I really really do.) With the sub-zero temps we’ve had lately, I can imagine their little butt cheeks freezing right to the toilet seat. And the upstairs bathroom? That’s where the hubs is holed up.

Ironically, the upstairs bathroom, where the hubs parks his ass is, in fact, another full bathroom. It is essentially our master bathroom. It is also nearly 100 years old, but a full bathroom nonetheless. And, I say, by the way things are moving, it’s time to overhaul the vintage bathroom.

Because people, my naked self esteem can only handle so much. We all know children speak the truth.

Stay tuned for the before and after posts of our bathroom remodel.

Hahahahahahahahahhaha

I'd be happy to watch your children...

Just as long as they stay out of my way.

Just kidding! I watched my niece and nephew Saturday night for my sister. It's been a while since I've been responsible for an 18-month-old, and changing diapers! It wasn't a big deal except that you can't take your eyes off them for one second. Once I got back in that mode, it was easy. Especially when he found the dog crate entertaining. ;-)

Kids Crafts for Valentine's Day

I have never been a big fan of purchased Valentine cards for kids to exchange. I prefer to torture myself and make them by hand. So, if you're like me, and are eschewing the store-bought Valentines, here are some projects we've made in the past.

Melted Hearts--my favorite! The finished product and instructions are in this post.
Little K will be making these this year with pencils in the middle. No candy in the classroom! Butterfly Hearts

I love these! I make these for the teachers because one for every student would just take too long: Puffy Heart Pins

This year E is making something with glow sticks, but I have to go digging through my bookmarks for the instructions. Yikes!

What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

I wonder what else could I be doing...

Part II of “I never aspired to be a mother.”


When I was younger, I wanted to be an interior decorator. Imagine how much fun it would be to shop on someone else's budget and decorate homes for a living?

In high school, a personality-type test suggested I was wired for the “Sciences”. Although, I enjoyed dissecting the frog, I had my mind set on something more exciting. And it didn’t include wearing a lab coat.

I knew I DIDN’T want to go into business. Getting up in front of an audience (aka, an 11^th grade classroom) gave me dry mouth and heart palpitations.

Then, I decided I would be a photojournalist and work for National Geographic. As if it could be that easy. I even applied to the Peace Corps in hopes of traveling to Africa for my "start". Apparently, photography and writing majors aren’t sought-after volunteers in Third World countries.

When I was home with my kids in their early years, I thought about opening a maternity consignment shop. I also thought I could be a photographer of children and families. For a couple years, I actually made and sold through a retailer my own candle line (because, good God! I needed something for myself). I went through a period where I daydreamed about owning and running a bed and breakfast.

Today, I’m a writer. I work for a pharmaceutical advertising agency. I write everything and anything for the web. I’m doing something creative­, something I like, and with people I like. The work itself, however? Not so exciting.

Many days, I come into my office and feel suffocated by the routine. Like I’m caught in a vicious, monotonous, never-ending cycle. I can’t imagine doing this until I retire. But what else can I do?

I love design. Well, I love to look at it. I love creating. I love shabby, vintage furniture. I think one day maybe I’ll own my own boutique. I could shop flea markets and thrift stores and refinish furniture, make my candles again, and sell it all in my own little shop. I’ve already picked out the music. And, girlfriends, there will be wine.  

I love the idea of designing my own line of invitations, stationary, party stuff and selling the pdfs in an Etsy shop. I linger with envy over all the fabulous designers out there already doing that.

But is that really going to make me any money, I wonder. Because making money would be nice.

I also love to entertain. I’ve thought about organizing massive girls night out events.

Yeah, do you see why I need to find a focus?

Are you content with what you’re doing? Can you envision doing anything else?

I never aspired to be a mother...

Let me start by saying that I believe that not all people capable of having children should have them. In fact, I think there should be a test you have to take – similar to getting your driver’s test.

Between you and me, I don’t think I would have passed the test. No. I was never drawn to mushy babies. When they cry, my stress level goes up a couple notches. And I’m not a kid person. I have no burning desire to play with Playdoh or Barbies. Although, now that my kids are getting older and independent, I can relate to them better. I can sit and play a board game. I even like their movies.

But my kids tend to bring out my most impatient side. I am an impatient person. This I know about myself.  However, I never realized how utterly impatient I could be until I had to ask them to do something 17 times because they’re too focused on the computer or playing the Wii to hear me or stop what they’re doing.

Or, after 5 months of school, they still need reminding to brush their teeth, their hair and adjust their clothing so they don’t look like they’ve rolled straight out of bed (will this, in fact, ever end?).

I’m pretty sure little K will have eating insecurities because I nag her every single day to eat more. At just 42 pounds, she could use the calories, but her main goal is to eat enough to get to dessert.

And, sometimes when E tells a story in a way that only E can tell it—unfocused, full of minute details, and endless—I find myself urging her to quickly get to the point.

Although, they do summon one or two of my better qualities. For instance, when the playroom floor has disappeared under an explosion of toys and hundreds of Barbie shoes and accessories, I am able to purge the clutter in 5 minutes flat. It’s like a cleansing of my soul.

I never aspired to be a mother. But I wish I did. I think my life would be simpler. I wouldn’t always be looking for the next “thing”. (See Part II of this post.) I could be more focused. I would slow down and be calmer. And, not so impatient. I’ve noticed that the moms who always knew they wanted to be moms are much more selfless, more into being a mom. If I only ever wanted to be a mom, I would know my place in the world, and I would put all my energy into it. And that? That is something I don’t know at all.

Did you always know you wanted to be a mom?