I'm hitting the wall...

A couple things I'd like to note: I turn a ripe, round number later this year and suddenly it seems, or as my wonderfully supportive and loving husband has been so quick to point out, I'm falling apart. My hip and knees are stiff if I sit too long; I have some kind of undiagnosable affliction that may or may not be allergies (the dog??); I can't lose weight as easily as I used to; and I'm seriously considering Botox - perhaps a mother's day gift?

Thankfully, although I do color my hair, it's not to cover greys.

My birthday is still far off in the distance, but at the end of April my best girlfriends and I are taking a tropical vacation to mark 20 years of our annual Girls Weekend and to celebrate our vibrant youthfulness - or, rather mourn the end of it. Already, one of them has fallen. I think on that vacation it's really going to start hitting me. I may not come home.

People, I am not dealing with this number well.

At all.

When someone (mostly my loving hubs) mentions that number - I'm like, who the heck is that old? I'm more like 33 or 34.

I remind him, and his 44 years, that he is married to someone in her thirties, and he should not age me, as he likes to do. Tormenting me on a regular basis.

I know that people like to take stock of their life during milestone birthdays. And because I'm a person that always wants to be doing more, I think that would just depress me even further.

Never did I think 39 would feel so young.

What is the positive side to this story?

They're not as old as we may think they are...

My youngest is nearly 7. In fact, her birthday is just a few weeks away. While we contemplated her party (even though she’s been talking about it before her 6th birthday party ended), I was faced with a dilemma.

Little K does not like to stop what she’s doing to go to the bathroom. And because of this, she has occasional accidents. I recognize even the slightest pee-pee dance move. So when I suggest she have a bathroom break and she denies needing to go, and still has an accident, I'm pretty unhappy.

I figured a 7-year-old should not be having accidents anymore. Nothing scientific about it. It just made sense to me. To encourage her to get to the bathroom sooner, I told her she would have to earn her birthday party with friends.

We created a sticker chart, and for two weeks, she was not going to have one accident. She promised.

We made it to day 8.

I wanted to be strong. I really did. But I gave her a second chance.

Everyone should get a second chance, right?

Two days later…well, you can figure out what happened.

I was really frustrated, but then I started to wonder … maybe something’s medically wrong or maybe it’s developmental. She is barely 7, after all.

So when I did a little research I was relieved to find information that kids having accidents into 2nd grade is nothing to be concerned about. They just don’t have complete bladder control yet. Of course then I felt bad that I was punishing her for something that was out of her control.

I was happy, and relieved, to tell her that I made a mistake and, while she needs to make an effort to go to the bathroom more often and when I suggest she go, she gets a birthday party with her friends.

The real point of this post is this: I learned a valuable lesson. I forget how young my children are, emotionally and physically. They are not, in fact, little adults. It’s easy to lose that perspective and expect them to act the way you want them to act, rather than accept how they’re capable of acting.

For me, parenting is not innate. I need to do research. I need to ask around. I have no idea what’s normal, and what isn’t. Fortunately, I don’t claim to be perfect. I’m just figuring it out as I go.

Funny Snippet from Little K: As we're planning her 7th birthday party, she exclaims, "I want my 8th birthday party to be a surprise party! Oh, I hope I forget that."

Attention Sick People

I really don’t get sick often. *knocking on wood* But when I have gotten sick, I always felt guilty for calling out from work - like they wouldn’t believe me or something. When I would call, I would make sure it was first thing in the morning with my froggy sleep voice. Fortunately, nowadays, email suffices for calling out, which makes taking a sick day easier. Even still, I’ve been tempted to take mental health days, but never do. The guilt.

Isn’t there a current ad campaign encouraging sick employees to, in fact, take a sick day. The idea is … this will surprise you … to prevent the spread of germs and infecting even more co-workers. Surprise! I don’t know why we feel compelled to “tough it out” and come into work. Can you get fired for taking a sick day?

Many people I work with, when they "email" out sick, feel the need to provide details about their illness – to make it legit, perhaps? I don’t know, and I don’t care. If you’re sick, you’re sick. I don’t need to know about the head cold that turned into a high fever and now you’re camped out on your bathroom floor so you won’t be checking emails that frequently. TMI!

And if you’re sick, take the day. Don’t call into meetings, hacking up your lungs. I feel infected just listening to your phlegmy voice. Go to sleep. Take a load off. Rest your body. We’ll be fine without you for a day or two.

Why I Shouldn't Entertain

I love entertaining.

My psychiatrist friend has analyzed this to mean that I like to be in control. This could very well be true. It's also because I’m comfortable in my house, I can’t sit still, and I like to know everyone at the party.

Mostly, I like hanging out with my friends.

It's also because I have grandiose ideas of what my party will be like: I'm inspired by sites like Hostess with the Mostess, Amy Atlas, and of course, my girl Martha. I envision making fancy hors d'oeuvres and creating a to-die-for dessert table that will knock the socks off my guests. Not to mention a yumilicious designer cocktail and impressive, handmade favors to boot!

All of this takes time, planning and preparation, and more time. All of which I don’t have and am not good at. Have I ever mentioned that I'm a procrastinator? I like to think of it as “working best under pressure”.

I love Girls Night Out, and we were due for one. But I wanted it to be big. Going out to dinner with a large group is hard, not everyone gets to interact so I decided to have a Pickle Party. I sent my invites to over a dozen women about 6 weeks in advance. Leaving me plenty of time to plan and prepare.

Only I didn’t.

Remember, I procrastinate. I gave myself too much time.

Enough time, in fact, to start feeling insecure about the state of my home decor. Mismatched curtains in my living room, no rug in my dining room, semi-empty foyer, wreck of a kitchen.

I couldn’t focus on anything else. I felt paralyzed.

All of a sudden, the party date was upon me and I didn’t have so much as a menu planned or beverages to serve. GASP! And, to make matters worse, we just had a portion of our kitchen ceiling taken down to deal with an upstairs leak, so there was a layer of dust on EVERYTHING. Fortunately, I had taken the day off from work to clean and get ready. Except that entailed many errands and lots of mopping and dusting.

My plan of fancy hors d'oeuvres, to-die-for dessert table, yumilicious designer cocktail and impressive, handmade favors was quickly tossed aside as I scoured the grocery store for quick and easy, pre-made munchies. Pre-made!

My menu? Baked brie, gourmet pizza bites, fruit dip and spinach dip. My dessert table consisted of from-a-box brownies, chocolate chip cookie bars and lemon squares on two tiered platters. My yumilicious designer cocktail was wine.
The big hit? The gourmet pizza. Look in the freezer section for California Pizza Kitchen pizzas, cook by direction and slice into double-bite-size pieces. It actually makes a nice display too, and no one thought it came from the freezer!

Thankfully, my aspiring-caterer friend also made spring rolls - which were amazing - and a shrimp and mango salsa, so all wasn’t lost.

The lesson here? Have aspiring-caterer friend bring all the food!

Don't Get Too Comfortable

When you get caught up in the routine of life and work, it’s easy to lose perspective on what to be grateful for.

During the downward spiral of the economy over the last two years, I’ve been fortunate enough to keep my job in advertising, a high risk industry in a normal economy. And the hubs has survived through an acquisition, after waiting in limbo for nearly a year.

But last week, my agency had a layoff. It caught us all off guard and shook us up. We lost 30 people, one of which was a vital member of our team. We took him out to lunch and sat there dumbfounded. What the fuck? we all wondered. Then we started hearing about others who were let go, including another writer whose husband lost his job in November. 

That really scared me.

It’s not that I haven’t imagined something similar happening to us. I mean, how can you not take a look at your financial situation and have a plan during this time? It’s just that everyone else has been a news story. This is someone I worked with.
So it makes me wonder, what right do I have to complain about the routine of work? At least I have work.

The layoff reminded me of something else: There is no such thing as job security. In business, no matter how many years you dedicate to a company, there is no loyalty to you in the end. Whether you own your own company or work for someone else, we're dependent on others. Employees are dependent on employers. Employers are dependent on clients. So who’s the winner in this cycle? You would think the client is, but they’re also employees and employers. It’s easy to say, work for yourself and answer to no one. But you do answer to someone. You answer to your customer.

That co-worker came back today to pack up her desk. 3+ box fulls. As you can imagine she was very emotional. How much does that suck, though, to have to come back, adding salt to the wound? I looked around at my desk and quickly assessed that I could throw my stuff in a bag and be gone in minutes.

You know, you should never be too comfortable because, just like that, you could be gone too.

Guilt will make you do things...

Guilt.

Mother's Guilt.

It makes us go against our instincts. It makes us concede. Sometimes it makes us regret.

It also makes our children happy.

The Philadelphia St. Patrick's Day Parade was the source of my latest guilt.

E started taking Irish dancing lessons in November ... by accident. Ever since, I've been waiting for the moment when she bores of it. Especially the days when the the tuition is due. It's not particularly inexpensive. But, she really likes it. She even dances around from one room to the next at home. Irish dancing fits her personality. It's not flamboyant or theatrical like other dances. With no arm movements and just fast feet, it's very controlled. Just like she is.

However, when the opportunity to walk in the St. Patrick's Day parade presented itself, I imagined the chaos and the weather and said no way. Not this year. Not doing it.

E was not happy.

I accepted her unhappiness as a life lesson in disappointment. I was not dealing with this parade. No way. Not doing it. Selfish? Yes. Have you read number 3?

Except the topic of the parade kept coming up. The extra parade practice only for participants. The uniforms.  The parade. The parade. The parade. Agh! And every time it came up, the dejected look on E's face tugged at my fortitude. But I held strong. I was NOT dealing with this parade. Next year? If you're still dancing? Absolutely. This year. No way. Not doing it.

Then she told me everyone in her class was going to be in it, but her.

Damn it.

She started breaking me down. Those dejected expressions. My lame reasoning.

So I conceded. Fine. We'll go to the parade.

And E was very happy.

I immediately had that feeling. You know it. That feeling of I'm soooo going to regret this.

Damn Guilt.

I could only cross my fingers and hope that the weather wouldn't be horribly wet and cold.

Without going into the boring, and certainly unsurprising, details of the very early morning start and the hours of standing on the side of the street, waiting in the cold, windy March weather, I'll say this...next year, I will have an XXL Irish Coffee in my mug.

BUT, this smile made it all worth it...

An experience I hope she remembers for a long time.

I was separated from my phone and lived to tell about it

I rushed out of work early to make little K's dance-recital-of-sorts. It wasn't until I was high-tailing it through the train station and dodging slow-walkers when it dawned on me. My phone is still on my desk. The warning sirens in my head started blaring and a sudden pang of panic shot through me as I searched and searched and searched through my bag, certain I must have thrown it in. How could I possibly have left without it? *cue panicked and delirious voice* It's got to be in here. It's got to be! 

The realization hit me: there's no time to go back for it.

I immediately felt defenseless, without a lifeline, vulnerable. If something happens to me between the train station and home, no one will no about it. I won't be able to call for help. I am on my own.

And then my next thought...what the hell am I going to do on the train for 20 minutes?

Be alone with my thoughts? Crap.

Thankfully, I had my book.

I survived the train. But, the next phase of my evening had more challenges. Little K's dance - couldn't take photos or video so I had to use my Flip. No big deal, but not the best quality to watch replay's on TV. Later, I had dinner plans with a friend and had no way to text her our definitive meeting time. I couldn't even find the directory with her phone number in it.

I'm completely lost without my phone. Like I've lost my connection to the world. In fact, I found myself anxiously pining for it. Imagining it sitting lonely on my desk, the charge slowly dying. Hoping no one would steal it.

I couldn't wait to be reunited with it this morning. Will it still be on my desk? How much charge will be left?

I had to suffer through another train ride without it, but happily, my phone and I are together again. I feel whole. At peace. Never to be separated again.

Wordless Wednesday - Tubby Time

Visit some other great Wordless (and Wordful) Wednesday bloggers:

I went to a meditation class and all I got was ...

I have been wanting to learn how to meditate for a while. I need peace in my mind. Like world peace. Plus, it will help me deal with annoying people. Annoying people really stress me out. I waste way too much energy on annoying people.

I've heard somewhere that you can't change people. You have to change yourself instead - or something like that. So, me and meditation. We'll see.

A local holistic health center was having a free Introduction to Meditation session. Some neighbors were going so I figured, the sooner I learned how to free my mind the better.

We squeezed into a small and very warm room with the owner, a really mellow, soft-spoken, older gentleman. You know the kind of people who have a such a voice that when they speak you want to close your eyes and take a nap? That's the kind of mellow I'm talking about. He is essentially living in a constant state of meditation. His words. The atmosphere was, of course, conducive to meditation with candles, a water fountain, dim lighting - and quiet.

No sooner did I sit down and my intestines start rumbling. Like soft thunder. This? This is sooo not conducive for meditating in a quiet room of strangers. I started praying to whatever spirit could hear me to please please please not meditate in silence. The owner must know that surely meditating in a room of strangers isn't comfortable. He's just going to give us some techniques to practice at home. Right? Gurgle. Rumble. Gurgle.

So he begins telling us about how great meditating is for stress and your overall health and dealing with annoying people. Sweet! I so need this! He explains that our minds need a break. We have to learn to push thoughts out. Well, this is a challenge, as those close to me know I can't settle down. I watch TV while on the computer, and I ask a question but can't pay attention long enough to hear the answer. Sit with no thoughts? I'll give it a shot.

Meanwhile my intestines aren't complying so I'm trying to tighten my stomach muscles to force the noise away. Then he tells about some techniques we can try at home. Great! No meditating! People ask questions. He answers. People run out of questions. We still have 20 minutes to kill...

Ok, let's meditate. Shit shit shit SHIT!

Get comfortable in your chairs, close your eyes, fold your hands in your laps. Start by taking some deep, full breaths. Why oh why do I have to have stomach issues now of all nights? It's going to be utterly quiet. How can I concentrate? Breathe. I'm so tired. I hope I don't fall asleep. Oh, this could be a good post on my blog. I have to remember this. I really shouldn't be thinking any thoughts right now. It would probably be obnoxious if I took notes on my phone, wouldn't it? Can I sneak some pictures? That won't work. Darn. How long is this going to last? Breathe. 

Focus on your nostrils. Breathe in. Breathe out. What? My nostrils? Oh I can't wait to write about this in my blog. I wonder why no one commented on my recipe post. Nostrils. Feel my breath through my nostrils. Feel my nostrils. I really hate the word nostrils. Why couldn't he just say nose? I like breathing through my nose better. Oh no. Rumbling. Gawd! I hope I don't have to fart!

Now try this technique. Say "sooooo hummmm" in your mind. If you have a thought, acknowledge it and think "soooooo hummmm".  Soooo hummmm, soooooo, hummmm, sooooo hummm. More rumbling. Good God! I can't eat that popcorn anymore. It's really screwing up my stomach. When is this going to be over? I just have to fake it until it's done. It's not like anyone will know. I want to open my eyes. What's he doing up there while our eyes are closed? Why am I the only one rumbling? Please let the air conditioning come on. Come on air conditioning. Soooooo hummmm, sooooo hummmm. Agh, this sucks. I'm sure I can do this better at home. My back hurts now. And my foot. These boots are just killing my foot. I have to ask the doctor about my foot. 


This went on for 20 torturous minutes. 20 minutes of pleading with my intestines. 20 minutes of being assaulted by my thoughts.

Clearly, at this junction, I am incapable of quieting my mind. However, it takes practice. Everyday for 20 to 30 minutes. I'm willing to give it a try, if for anything than to have an immunity to annoying people.

And, by the way, don't eat Jolly Time 94% Fat Free Healthy Pop if you're sensitive to large amounts of fiber.

Namaste!

A dessert recipe that will knock their socks off

I don't usually share recipes here for two reasons. 1. That's just not the kind of blog I am. 2. I don't usually have a recipe worth sharing.

Except for today.

This dessert recipe is so simple to make, yet it will knock the socks off your guests. They will think you fretted and sweated over it. The first time I made it, I was shocked at how much everyone raved about it.

Espresso Chocolate Mousse with Orange Mascarpone Whipped Cream

This recipe is from the lovely Giada de Laurentis. Everything we've made from her cookbooks are delish! And definitely this one...







Ingredients

Mousse:

• 1/2 cup whole milk
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon instant espresso powder
• 1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
• 3 large egg whites

Cream:

• 1/4 cup mascarpone cheese, room temperature
• 2 tablespoons fresh squeezed
  orange juice
• 1/2 cup whipping cream
• 2 tablespoons powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon orange zest

Directions

For the Mousse: In a small saucepan over medium heat stir together the milk with the sugar and the espresso powder until the milk is hot, but not boiling, and the sugar is dissolved. Place the chocolate chips in a blender.

*Pour the hot milk over the chips. Run the blender on high until combined, a few seconds. Add the egg whites and run the blender on high until light, about 1 minute. Transfer the mousse to 4 small serving cups. Cover with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator until firm, about 3 hours.

For the Cream: In the bowl of an electric mixer, stir together the mascarpone cheese and the orange juice until smooth. Add the cream, powdered sugar, and orange zest. Whip until the cream has soft peaks, about 1 minute. Whip the cream just before serving the mousse or cover with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator until ready to serve.

*When blending hot liquids: Remove liquid from the heat and allow to cool for at least 5 minutes. Transfer liquid to a blender or food processor and fill it no more than halfway. If using a blender, release one corner of the lid. This prevents the vacuum effect that creates heat explosions. Place a towel over the top of the machine, pulse a few times then process on high speed until smooth.

Enjoy!

Handmade business card follow up

So as usual, I ran out of time to handcraft my business cards for the Girls Lunch Out event. I really wanted a card to impress. This was my inspiration:

 Mint Design Blog

Since I didn't have time to run to the store for the patterned tape, I figured I would just print the pattern on the cards. Except that I really don't know how to use Illustrator or InDesign. And I had no time left to experiment.

My next option was to whip up something quick the morning of the event. A designer friend made me a new bee (which will soon replace the one above) so I threw this together in Photoshop.

But, when I printed it, the whole thing was blurry. With no time to resolve that issue. I resorted to a stuffy template in Word. Yuck.

And this is what I ended up with...

Blech.

I'm headed to another blogging event at the beginning of April which leaves me plenty o' time to craft up some cardy goodness. If I see you at Getting Gorgeous in NYC, I'll be sure to share one with you ;-)

BTW, here's my Queen Bee. Just in time for my blog designer to go on maternity leave. Meh!  I love the little illustrated birds that people have, but I wanted something different. Except I think this is out of place with my title. What do you think?

Friday Photos from my iPhone

I am overly addicted to using my iPhone. In fact, for picture taking I almost prefer using it over my regular camera - with all the photo editing apps out there you can have so much fun. My latest addiction is Instagram. It's like Twitter except with photos. It's not perfect, but you can comment and "like" photos. If you have a stream of great photographers it can be very inspiring.

In any case, here are some photos from this morning catching some activity on my staircase. These were edited with TiltShift Generator. Another one of my favs!

Happy Friday - I hope you have a great weekend!

Calling Cards

Before I went to my first blog conference, I read that I would need business cards. Lots of business cards. Well that's strange, I thought. My blog is just a hobby. I'm not doing reviews or selling anything. I'm not even sure how seriously I take my blog. Business cards? That I have to pay money for? No way.

At the last minute, however, I caved. I didn't want to spend a lot of money - I mean I hadn't even had my blog designed by a professional yet. So I ordered up some quick cards from Staples. I hated them, but, believe me, I was so thankful to have something, anything to hand out. Because nearly everyone had business cards. And the people that didn't, I felt sorry for. They were left to write their info down on a scrap piece of paper. What a pain! If you're going to a blog conference or lunch or meet up, by all means, get yourself some cards! The reward of blogging is to have people read you. How are they going to find you if you don't tell them where to go?

Well, it's that time again. I'm heading to a luncheon for bloggers hosted by Girls Lunch Out, which was started by two women I met at that first blog conference.

But guess what?

I threw away all my left over business cards. And now, 4 days before the luncheon, I find myself with no cards! I thought about going back to Staples, but I really want better quality this time. And there's no where, that I know of, to get decent cards in this short amount of time.
So I decided I must make my own. I started looking around for inspiration and came across some amazingly creative cards. I thought I would share some here with you. I have two ideas of what I might do, but I want it to be a surprise. I'll keep you posted.

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Do you have business cards for your blog?