How I'm planning to spend my 40th birthday

A few months ago, I had an epiphany walking to work: I must get a tattoo to mark my 40th birthday. Never in my life have I wanted a tattoo. I love tattoos on other people, there just hasn't been anything I loved so much so that I needed to permanently imprint it on my body. Until now.

Yes, this is what I'm doing. And I'm excited.

Then earlier this week, another idea hit me out the blue.

Go to a shooting range and fire off a few rounds.

I know! Seriously, what the fuck?

To be fair, I have shot a gun or two. Not at the hubs, or at any particularly annoying people. Not that I haven't wanted to...at particularly annoying people of course.

Or, I could be civilized and get a mani/pedi and go shopping. I could use a new fall wardrobe. But that just doesn't seem significant.

I'm torn.

Guns and tattoos? Nails and shopping?

One thing I know for sure that's happening that day, I'm getting a new photo for my driver's license.

It's gonna be an exciting day.

Are you accomplished?

The other night I was at a happy hour with some co-workers I recently started working with. It was so nice to be out with new people - I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt. But, as I was whining about my impending doom, one woman just a few years younger than me couldn't believe I was so devastated about my milestone birthday. She said, "But you're married and have kids. You're accomplished!"

What?

I suppose if that was all I aspired to in life I would feel accomplished, but there's so much more I want to do. I may never be "accomplished" in my mind considering the length of my list.

I was certainly flattered, though, that she thought of me that way. I only wish it was that simple. She's a single woman in her late 30s, forging ahead in her career and recently split from her boyfriend. I suppose in a way it makes sense that she sees me as accomplished, if having a husband and children are on her list.

I think being accomplished is more of a life-is-perfect kind of achievement. You're happy with your career, your family, your financial situation, and you essentially want for nothing else in life. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

I wonder, though, what do you consider "accomplished"?

40 is not the new 30

I'm living the last six days of my 30s. I'm not doing anything special. And I'm not checking off the remnants of a "Before I Turn 40" bucket list. That would only depress me even further. Quite frankly, the anticipation of turning f-o-r-t-y is making me a little crazy. I just want to get it over with. It doesn't help, of course, that my husband is making a point to verbally count down the days every morning.

I'm not really sure how I'm going to feel on the "big" day. Part of me wants to sleep the day away and pretend that it doesn't happen. Friends who've already "turned" try to be encouraging about how it's no big deal and it's "just a number". Yeah, yeah. But it is a big deal to me. Maybe it's magnified because the median age of my coworkers is 28. Maybe it's the fact my body is no longer doing what I want it to do. Maybe it's the fact that 40 just sounds old! When I say that I feel too young to be 40, I'm not exaggerating. I think my parents must have mixed up my birth date. I'm more along the lines of 37.

I'm sure when I turn 50, I'll be laughing at how silly I sound. But, I live in the moment. And right now, I'm not laughing.

Why I suck as a mom

I throw tantrums.

It doesn't happen often but when it does, I scream and yell and make myself nearly hoarse.

I am not proud of my weakness.

I didn't even realize I was capable of such anger until I had children. When they push and push and push, I can't hold it in. Ninety-nine percent of the time it's directed at little K. She knows exactly how to piss me off, and she doesn't know when to stop. Ever. It feels like I'm already dealing with a stubborn teenager.

Of course, instantly I feel horrible, but in the moment I am so livid I can't stand her. She's throwing a tantrum. I'm throwing a tantrum. If I was being filmed for Super Nanny, someone would demand that I get medicated, stat! Patience pill, anyone? I'll pay anything.

photo challenge / a touch of sun

It's been a while since I've entered any photo challenges.

But when "A Touch of Sun" came up as the challenge at I Heart Faces, I immediately thought of this photo taken in early August in Sea Isle City. It was a spontaneous "photo shoot" of sorts; and I think it's hilarious how my shy 9-year-old turned on the modeling charm in a snap! I suppose she's a little used to me with a camera attached to my face on a regular basis.

If I were to plan this, I would have little K stand to the right a bit more, and would have done something with that hair of hers. Geesh!

In any case, this is untouched and, more importantly for those who think they need expensive equipment, taken with a point-and-shoot!

This photo was entered into the I Heart Faces photo challenge – www.iheartfaces.com

Postponed -- Tech talk today - live chat!

I just received an email that this chat was postponed due to scheduling conflicts...

Verizon Wireless is hosting a live chat today at noon EST. Harry Martin, Director of Advanced Technologies for Verizon Wireless, will be answering your questions and leading this conversation. Topics include the best apps for managing your family's hectic schedule, maintaining safety for your kids and account settings that do the legwork for you.

Enjoy!

Live Chat - Apps to help manage busy back-to-school schedules, and more

I've never done anything like this. In fact, I'm not even sure how they found me because I have so few readers. Although I'm sure I'm not the only blog this is being hosted on, I'm panicking that no one will show! So, please please please come check this chat out on Monday and I promise to pay you back in wine. Because that's how I'll be drowning my sorrows if this is a dud.

Here are the professional deets...

Figments of a Mom and Verizon Wireless are hosting a
live chat on Monday, September 19th at noon EST. Harry Martin,
Director of Advanced Technologies for Verizon Wireless, will be
answering your questions and leading this live chat. Topics covered
will include the best apps for managing your family's hectic schedule, maintaining safety for your kids and account settings that do the legwork for you.

All you have to do to join the live conversation is visit
Figments of a Mom on Monday, September 19th at noon EST.

We hope you will join us!


 

Wanna adopt a 7 year old?

My seven-year-old daughter is Mercurial. The capital M is intentional because she personifies the word. In one moment she can be happy go lucky, in the next she can be throwing a tantrum that puts most 3-year-olds to shame.

The other morning after she was asked twice to turn off the TV and get dressed for school, she threw one of these tantrums. This is not uncommon. She doesn't like being told what to do especially if it interrupts play time or TV time.

But for the first time (of many, I'm sure), she threatened to move out. My 7 year old.

Through her tears she screamed that she needed a new family. That she wanted to be adopted. That we hated her. She wanted to be with a family that was nice and kind and didn't break her heart.

All because we told her to turn off the TV.

In no uncertain terms, she also told me that she was packing her bag after school and looking for this perfect family.

I offered to help her pack.

But then I got nervous that she might actually do it. She's that kind of kid.

She stomped off to her room, leaving her cereal to get soggy. The calming down process with her is exactly that, a process. Thankfully, that involved a retraction of everything she screamed at me. In fact, she never wants to leave me, ever.

If this is what she's like now, in second grade, I am so fearful for the teen years. No chance this girl is getting a driver's license!

Irritable Male Syndrome

I love my husband. He's a great dad and our girls adore him. He brings home flowers every week. He voluntarily runs errands. He does laundry. He's a true partner, and he puts up with me, which is pretty easy by the way.

But this post isn't about how blissful our life is together. Because it isn't. And, in my opinion, it never will be. We're each slightly volatile. Plus, he's an only child and I'm a first born (hear those warning sirens?) ...

First borns tend to be leaders, reliable, conscientious and perfectionists who don't like surprises. Although, firstborns are typically aggressive, many are also compliant people pleasers. They are model children who have a strong need for approval from anyone in charge.

Only children are firstborns in triplicate. They are even more responsible and even bigger perfectionists. They usually get along better with people older than themselves. (source)

So our personalities totally clash.


What's worse, he's moody. Moody women, I can barely tolerate. Men? I never even knew there was such a phenomenon. But lately, when I get home from work or wake up in the morning, I'm not always sure what kind of mood I'm walking into. I expect him to be pissed off about something. Mostly because he just looks angry. Who knows what might set him off. And, believe me, you don't want to do that, because he is a Master Asshole, and takes pride in that fact.

But, what I have just stumbled upon is rather interesting in a way... Scientists have discovered that when men are under stress their testosterone levels decline which affects their brain and behavior, thus causing them to be moody and irritable. And guess what ladies, it has a name. Irritable Male Syndrome.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's right. It's a known condition in the medical books in which scientists are spending time and money researching. There's even an entire book written on it.

But I shouldn't laugh. It's serious. In fact, here are the top 20 characteristics of men suffering from IMS:
1. Angry
2. Impatient
3. Blaming
4. Dissatisfied
5. Sarcastic
6. Anxious
7. Hypersensitive
8. Unappreciated
9. Tense
10. Unloving
11. Hostile
12. Argumentative
13. Depressed
14. Frustrated
15. Withdrawn
16. Sad
17. Defiant
18. Defensive
19. Demanding
20. Troubled

Sound familiar? If your man is experiencing these frequently, take note, it's not you. Instead, first have your man get those testosterone levels checked. Then, help him figure out a way to deal with that stress, because it's making everyone miserable. And, frankly, no one likes a moody man. Even if he does run errands and do the laundry.

You can read more about IMS here, and even take a quiz here.

Barbie Hell and Therapy

About once a month I attend therapy. It's free and I don't have to leave my house. It's the best therapy I've ever had, and I highly recommend it.

I pick up a trash bag and purge the playroom.* If I find a random toy piece and can't figure out to which game it belongs, and the nearest child can't figure it out either? In the trash bag it goes. It is the most cleansing experience EVER. And if that doesn't satisfy, I move onto the next disaster. Usually, my youngest daughter's room.

She is a walking mess.

The mess gradually builds, ignorant to my pleas for clean up and my threats to dump it all in the garbage. I walk into her room and feel my anxiety levels rising. The clutter. It's everywhere.

She has no concept of putting things back.
I decided on Labor Day, my last precious day off from work, my last precious day after vacation before work, that I would clean up the Barbies. If you have a daughter who's into Barbies? That's all I should need to say.

Barbies suck. Their hair goes to crap the moment you unpackage them. The clothes and shoes are impossible to get on and off, and they don't stand up on their own. All the accessories are teeny tiny. My favorites are the suntan lotion and sunglasses, which disappear in the carpet and end up in the vacuum. They just suck.

So I spent Labor Day organizing all the Barbie shit into different containers, fighting the urge to throw it all into a trash bag. Clothes and accessories into one, dolls and their pets into another. Miscellaneous Barbie-house pieces into one - good luck putting those back together. After it was all said and done, I still managed to fill a trash bag.

And I felt much better.

*Most effective when children are not present.



After the Hurricane

As predicted, Hurricane Irene for us in the 'burbs was a let down. I realize for others it lived up to the media hype. But, for us, outside of Philly, ALL MEDIA HYPE. Thankfully, we never lost electricity and we had no water in the basement. The only damage was a two day loss from our Dewey Beach trip.

Dewey Beach is two blocks wide. Ocean on one side. Bay on the other. I figured it was entirely under water. No chance we were getting into town until Tuesday. If Wednesday was the go day, I wasn't bothering going. Lo and behold, Sunday afternoon the State of Emergency and Mandatory Evacuation was lifted and the realtor gave us the word, Come on in! The car was packed and we were on the road in two hours flat. I was expecting to see flood waters, downed buildings, MAJOR HURRICANE DAMAGE. The most damage I saw were some shingles missing off random buildings.

Our end-of-the-summer vacation was underway. And the best part - we had amazing weather!

Here are a few random photos...Dewey Beach 2011

And, while the water was really really cold, the shells that were washing up on the beach were amazing. Conch shells and hermit crabs were the popular variety. I mean, who finds hermit crabs in their shells ALIVE,  and on the beach? And, who cares about the crabs, the shells were amazing. Not those nasty painted football team shells you get on the boardwalk. These were round, swirly shells. I have to admit, the highlight of shell collecting  was when E found a sand dollar. I'm convinced it was the only one on the entire eastern coast. Who finds sand dollars?!

While the town was essentially left undamaged by Hurricane Irene, we did see some effects. The beach was left to a minimum. Thank God for low tide. And, the lifeguards were more busy pulling large debris out of the the ocean than people.

I'm thankful we didn't lose out on a vacation. And I'm thankful the damage wasn't as bad as the media was forecasting.

So now we're down to one final day left in summer before school starts. I'm so not ready.

Are you?